


Call of the Wild

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, M/M, Series: One Ray Two Ray Old Ray New Ray: Episode Related, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-11-01
Updated: 1999-11-01
Packaged: 2018-11-10 12:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11127126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: What's really going through their heads during the episode.This story is a sequel toReflections 3: Compassion and Loss.





	Call of the Wild

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

This story is slash, containing characters who (sadly) do not belong to me and both happen to be men who want to have sex with each other. I'm not writing this for any gain other than my own personal amusement. Rating - PG.

Special thanks to Misha who came to my rescue when I couldn't find my tape of "Call of the Wild." This wouldn't exist without her.

Here it is, part sixteen in the "One Ray, Two Ray, Old Ray, New Ray" (with all due deference to Dr. Suess) which has something in it to please or offend everyone, including Fraser/Kowalski pairings, Fraser/Vecchio, and even Vecchio/Kowalski. You have been warned. 

This is part three of a four story arc that takes place during the final episode, "Call of the Wild." All previous stories archived at http://www.frontierz.com/socket

Permission granted to archive at Witnesslist, and any and all other Due South archives. Any others, please let me know first.

any comments, suggestions, or complaints can be sent to me at

"Call of the Wild"

Pt 3: Call of the Wild Cycle

Barbara J. Webb

*Frannie, he likes you.*

Not the way you want him to, but he does. Not the way I want him too - me, not you. Don't want him to like you that way. Or any Vecchio that way. Not that I can stop him. 

But I know what he means, what he's trying to say. I know him so fucking well. Know what he means when he fumbles for the words, understand what he's trying to say when he can't say anything. Partners. My partner. And now Vecchio....

But he's in there, lying in that bed for Fraser, and I can't hate him now any more than I could ever hate him then and what's the deal here anyway? How'd it all get so screwed up so fast? Vecchio saved Fraser and he loves Fraser and I can't hate him for something I understand so well. 

*Go get him, Benny.*

Go get your man. And you don't have half a clue I'm not even talking about Muldoon. He's a good kid, Benny; he loves you. I can see it every time he looks at you. Poor kid looked so dejected there, waiting for the meet. But he'll be okay. You go get him.

And you can get Muldoon too, while you're at it. Not that I mind taking a bullet for you or anything, but damn, it hurts. But you're the better man to chase the bad guy. Always were. You and Kowalski hunt him down and get him for me. 

That smile. That beautiful smile. Always gonna remember that smile. No matter what happens. The way you smile at me.

Go get him, Benny.

*So what, we still partners?*

Still partners? How can you ask that? With Ray lying in a hospital bed, who else could I possibly want to help bring his shooter - the man who killed my mother - to justice. Ray, my friend, after we've fought so hard - you fought so hard to keep this partnership alive, how can you ask me that? 

We've been through so much together. I can't understand why you would ask me that. 

Unless...you think...Ray. But he's...not an option at the moment. Even if he were, I love him, but you and I...we're still...

Partners. Of course we're still partners. If you'll have me.

*If you'll have me.*

Stupid question. Course I'll still have you. Cause I'm stupid, and I can't just tell you...don't even know what I'd tell you. I'll always still have you, Fraser. Even if Vecchio takes you, and I only got a little of you left over for me, I'll still take that. Cause I'm stupid and can't get over you, even though I knew this would happen someday and I just wasn't ready for it. 

So we got a bit more time together and I wish I could really hate him, be really mad at him, but he got shot and took a bullet for you and if it had been you lying there stead of him I don't know what I woulda done.

Still want you, no matter what, and I hate that but it's true. No matter what, I'll have you. Any time you ask.. Always.

*I'm home.*

Fraser's home. Pushes me outa an Airplane without a parachute, gonna get me killed, froze to death and starved in the wilderness, and he's grinning cause he's home. Cause he was homesick. Guess we took that trip to Canada sooner than we thought.

And it's so cold, and wet, and snowy and I just wanna go home, but he is home and that's where we are. Canada. Cold and empty. Like my life would be without Fraser. But I'm here now cause Fraser asked and I'm gonna follow him, and if anybody can get us through this it's him, cause he's Fraser and that's what he does. An I trust him an I love him an I'll follow him. Even through Canada, if that's what it takes. 

His home.

*Fraser, you ever get the feeling that you're lost?*

I feel lost out here, with you, without you. Never been this tired before, or cold, or scared. But I still can't help thinking 'bout you and him, and what happens if you go back to him and where am I? Who am I? I'm the most me when I'm with you, which is weird, since when I'm with you I'm supposed to be someone else - him. But it's like I never knew who I was till you were there and you showed me. You brought the real me out, and I don't know where that me's gonna go without you. 

Don't want you to leave me, ever. But I'm afraid to ask, fraid you'll say no. Or maybe even you'll say yes, cause you can't say no to anybody, and then you'll stay with me when you really want to be with him, and that would be just as bad. I think. 

I'll be lost without you. Just plain Stan Kowalski again, and lost with no idea of who I am without you.

*I don't mean where you are, but who you are.*

Of course I understand what he's asking, but I don't understand why he's asking it. Ray always seems so certain of who he is, what he wants. Mr. Instinct - even if he doesn't know why he knows, he just seems to know. 

But then what happens when instinct fails him? Outside his natural environment - of course he feels lost here. He looks so fragile lying there huddled in the sleeping bag, so small. So beautiful. He is afraid, but he still follows me. Running beside me. My partner.

I have to wonder what he'll do now, when we go back to Chicago, now that Ray is back. Does he wonder the same thing? Will he go back to his old precinct? Will he stay at the 27? 

Will I lose him? 

Will I be the same without him? The instinct to my logic? My beautiful, brave, trusting Ray. My partner. 

*Cause that's what partnership is all about.*

Struggle on through the pain. You're struggling so hard, and simply because I asked you to. Because you're my partner. We're partners. 

How can I be so blind sometimes? All this, you do for me, unasked, blindly trusting me to protect you. And how have I repaid that? Betrayal. I hurt you - I could see it then; I just didn't want to look. Saw the way you looked at him, at me. 

Partners. Ray and I were never partners. Friends, most certainly. Lovers in our way. But he fought against me ever step of the way - he would never be here, like this, just for me. Even if he hadn't been shot. Or if he were he'd be complaining, arguing, fighting. He would never just trust me to know what I'm doing, not the way you do.

Partners. Two halves of the same whole. You and I together, always. I won't leave you here, Ray. I won't leave you - I can't. Never. No matter what happens - no matter where things go between Ray and myself, you and I will always be partners. I promise.

Trust, faith, loyalty.

What partnership is all about.

*Then we die.*

He says it, just like that. We die. But it can't be like that. Surely something's gonna happen, Fraser's gonna fix this somehow, cause that's what he does. Fraser fixes it. Always, Fraser has some way to fix it. He can't just...we can't just...

My fault. Just never thought - didn't think - never think. Can't think.

Just me an Fraser, here in the end. Guess if I gotta die, no better way to do it than pressed against Fraser, just with Fraser. Me an Fraser.

But he can't die, cause he's Fraser. We been through worse. Got off that sinking boat. Fraser found me, rescued me. This time too, he's gonna think of something. He's Fraser. 

And now he's singing, and I love it when he sings. He's so wonderful. I love him, and I'm gonna lose him. One way or another, I'm gonna lose him. 

*Guess you'll partner up with Vecchio?*

Oh, Ray, Ray Ray. There's so much I want to say to you, but there's no time for it. No time at all. Back to Chicago or to Canada, I don't know what's going to happen. But we'll always be partners. How can I tell you, convince you, explain?

There's no time for any of this. I've asked so much of you already, how can I ask for more? But I need your patience still, your trust, your faith. When this is over, when Muldoon...

We'll find time, somehow. You and I. But for now, just believe me. Partners, no matter what distance comes between us. Always partners.

Ray sat huddled in the corner of the tent he shared with Fraser, blowing steadily on his hands, but he had a teeth chattering smile ready for Fraser as the Mountie pulled aside the flap. "You an' the Ice Queen get things squared away?"

"I think so, Ray." Fraser didn't feel the cold. It was only home, and this was how home felt: the bite against one's cheeks, the constant tingling in one's nose as one breathed, the heavier feel of one's body wrapped in thick wool and down. It was how he loved it, how it was meant to be. "We should get some sleep. Early start tomorrow."

"Yeah. Early." Ray squirmed down into his sleeping bag, his back to Fraser. "Night."

Fraser lay down as well, close behind Ray, and slid his arms around the shivering detective. "Good night, Ray."

Ray was very still, not pulling away, but not moving any closer either. "Hey, Fraser?"

"Yes, Ray."

"You think you should be doing that, what with you and Vecchio and all that?" Now that he was looking for it, in Ray's voice, he could hear all the doubt, the pain, the insecurity. It tore at his heart that he had done this to Ray.

Very lightly, he kissed Ray's neck. "It's all right, Ray. I won't let him take you - take us away from me."

As Ray settled back against him, Fraser thought he was beginning to understand. Everything Ray Vecchio had said about not making any snap decisions - he'd been right. There was a lot to think about, a lot to decide. 

But that was for later. After Muldoon. He'd do what he had to for his father, for his mother. Then he'd figure out what he had to do for his Ray.


End file.
